Friends were talking about their former life in the maritimes provinces of Canada. They left the maritimes because of hurricanes but came to the west coast of Canada only to experience a storm and 4 day long power outage.
Mum: I thought the maritimes were Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba?
Dad: No, the maritimes are the east coast provinces
Mum: then what are Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manintoba?
Dad: THE PRAIRIES
Scene: Mum plays the game Boggle and frequently asks me the spelling of words. The simplest of words.
Mum: How do you spell quittal?
Me: Quittal? Can you say that in a sentence?
Mum: You know, like the law court word. He got a quittal.
Me: Its ACQUITTAL. It’s one word.
Mum: Oh. I wonder who that was who got an A+ in spelling in 3rd grade?
Me: Are you sure it wasn’t alphabet recital?
Me: so apparently Niagara Falls is frozen
Mum: what so the waters not flowing over the thing?
Me: that’s usually what frozen means
Mom, as we drive through panarama ridge: “Somewhere around here are the feathered birds with fancy feathers. You know, the peacocks.”
Mum: do you think the cat absorbs vitamin D from the sun by licking his fur?
Mum: Actually, I really enjoy phratography, your uncle took a course on phr-
Me. ITS PHO-TOGRAPHY. NOT PHRATOGRAPY.
I’m a bit of a pronunciation nazi. When people mispronounce things I tend to lose it like the grammar nazis. It actually makes me physically angry when people mispronounce words. When people say “member” instead of “remember” also really ticks me off. Not the same word!
Mum also pronounces ‘guitar’ as ‘kitaur’ which really bugs me.
Mum: Boy people sure are panicking over that eboli virus.
Me: ITS EBOLA. Not ECOLI, you’re mixing ebola and ecoli. It’s EBOLAAAAAAAAH.
Mum: I never thought that KFC I had last night would have been that high in calories. They only care about making money and not making people healthy.
Me: People who eat KFC don’t eat it because it’s healthy.
Mum: Its chicken!
Me: It’s DEEP fried and battered!
Mum: Well very thinly.
Me: IT DOESNT MATTER!
Scene: Our family eats a lot of sushi for take out. In fact, its about the only take out we ever have. So we were sitting around the kitchen table eating sushi.
Mum: My friend has had a migraine headache for 11 days straight now, can you believe it? Shes taking 2 advil and 2 tylenol every 4 hours.
Me: Thats awful!
Mum: Last time she had an appointment with Doctor Sushi she-
Dad: Wait. Doctor Sushi?
*uproarious laughter*
Our doctors name is Omelchenko. Our previous doctor was Dr. Soucy (soo-see). Thus mom must have some how gotten Soucy into her head and switched it to sushi, which we were eating. What she meant to say was OMELCHENKO!
Dad: I prefer boats that don’t move when I get on them. (They’re sturdy, unlikely to capsize)
Me: The Titanic wouldn’t have moved when you stepped on it.
Mum says the darndest things. 