Oh come on!

Mum: I never thought that KFC I had last night would have been that high in calories. They only care about making money and not making people healthy.

Me: People who eat KFC don’t eat it because it’s healthy.

Mum: Its chicken!

Me: It’s DEEP fried and battered!

Mum: Well very thinly.

Me: IT DOESNT MATTER!

Omelet, Sushi, what?

Scene: Our family eats a lot of sushi for take out. In fact, its about the only take out we ever have. So we were sitting around the kitchen table eating sushi.

Mum: My friend has had a migraine headache for 11 days straight now, can you believe it? Shes taking 2 advil and 2 tylenol every 4 hours.

Me: Thats awful!

Mum: Last time she had an appointment with Doctor Sushi she-

Dad: Wait. Doctor Sushi?

*uproarious laughter*

Our doctors name is Omelchenko. Our previous doctor was Dr. Soucy (soo-see). Thus mom must have some how gotten Soucy into her head and switched it to sushi, which we  were eating. What she meant to say was OMELCHENKO!

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

Scene; Mum has recently gotten a tablet. She was messing around with it in the kitchen and I asked if there was anything she wanted to show me. I’m the only technophile in this house so when something stops working or isn’t working the way it should, guess who gets called?

 

Me: Was there something you wanted to show me?

Mum: Nope just reading. The bird was knocking on the window again.

Me: I want to get a picture of him doing that!

Mum: I did!

Me: I know, it was me who did it for you.

Mum: No I got more after that on my big ipod.

Me: Mum, its not an ipod.

Mum: Alright, ipad.

Me: No…

Mum: Mypad

Me:…No…

Mum: Yes it is! Its MY pad, and yours is YOUR pad…

Me: Its a SAMSUNG

Always looking for filth or innuendo where there isn’t any

Scene: There is a dating website for singles over 50 being advertized on the TV. Mum and I are watching TV when the advert comes on. In one of the scenes….they show close up shots of the couple.

Mum: Why is the close up of the crotches needed?

Me: ITS A CLOSE UP OF THEM HOLDING HANDS!

It was literally a shot of the couple holding hands, but you could also see their waists. Apparently, this is a ‘crotch shot’.